Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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