You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
