im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
