i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
