you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
