I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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