I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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