I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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