I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
