Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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