why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
