he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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