you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
