I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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