my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
BRING THE BAGELS
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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