She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
sex in a hospital.. check
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
its liver damage thursday
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
