nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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