she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
