the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
