i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
