Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
