explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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