ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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