Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
