We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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