none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
