this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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