The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
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That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
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When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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