Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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