i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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