How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
