(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
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