Do you still have your period?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
