I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Randomize
