I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
