Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
