Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
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How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
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Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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