Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
