I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
