dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
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there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
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She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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