At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize