I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I puked a lego.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He better not be in your backpack
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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