Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
