I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
