please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
