Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
