peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
