oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
