you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
