It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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