Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
