She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
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I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
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whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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