I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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