I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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