Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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