Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
