When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize