i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize