So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I can't turn off my feet"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
