If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
