everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
