I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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