it was like his penis was on wheels.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
