I just made out with a guy for $7.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
tell me about the eggs
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
