That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
