you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
