I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
