i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
